Living With Your Parents: A Review

Accommodations/Lodging – Phoenix Metropolitan Area

Rating: 4.3 / 5.0

Comfort level: High                                   Elevator: No

Pet friendly: Yes                                         Free Wifi: Yes

Washer/Dryer: Yes                                    Free Food: Yes

I stayed With My Parents for about a year and a half after graduating from college. The overall experience ranked high in Comfort, Love, and Existential Crises but low in individual Self-Esteem.

To be fair, no place can compare for cost-to-quality ratio – I earned my stay through a work/trade agreement and was charged zero dollars/night. The work was minimal –a lot of dishes and bathtub scrubbing – though I most of your weekends will be spent on “quality time.” This will be, to your surprise, wholly delightful and entirely preferable to hanging out with the people still hanging around from your high school. If you are contemplating moving back home after college, anticipate similar financial scenarios and moments of mature enlightenment.

The owners are funny and intelligent – overall, completely different people than you remember knowing before college. Other tenants during my stay included three cats and one sibling/comrade/ally in the living-at-home-again brigade.

The hosts provided plenty of activities and entertainment for my sister and I. If you’re open-minded and willing to participate, you’ll get a lot of exposure to the local culture.

For example, while we were Living With Our Parents, my sister and I partied at our two-year-old cousin’s “truck-themed” birthday bash, argued politics with Uncle Oscar, and attended a community concert featuring our dad’s rock band. We also learned that our dad actually has a rock band.

Overall, I was able to learn a ton about the culture and customs of Arizona’s suburbs. Definitely worthwhile and off the beaten tourist path.

While Living With My Parents, the in-house restaurant fare was tasty but repetitive. Expect to cook for the family twice a week. Happily, no one complained that I just kept making Chicken a-la Pinterest.

Pro tip: with enough cajoling, the chef (my mom) will give in when you beg to scrap dinner and order Pei Wei.

Even if you aren’t around during dinnertime, the staff is awesome and will leave your portion waiting for you (if it is not immediately on the counter, look in the fridge for the Styrofoam container labeled with your childhood nickname).

Breakfast is a do-it-yourself meal, but the fridge is stocked with seven different kinds of bagels so you should be fine.

There were a few downsides to my stay With My Parents. For example, I couldn’t bring non-hotel visitors onto the property after 10 PM – not because my parent’s weren’t chill about it, but just because I didn’t want to be like, “oh let’s go back to my place…it’s my childhood bedroom.”

Also, the staff was overly concerned with my future. The owners nagged me about “having higher self-esteem” and “loving myself” enough to “quit my dead-end barista job” and “do something I love” even if it means I don’t “make a ton of money” because they will “help me” with my “loans.”

I mean it was really quite grotesque.

They’ll tolerate drinking – in fact, the liquor cabinet is yours to abuse – but drugs are strictly forbidden. The whole building is non-smoking, so if you need to light up be sure use the back alley and shower immediately and pretend like you don’t feel shame.

The biggest downside of Living With Your Parents is the location. There are no people between 18 and 30 within a ten-mile radius, except for a few splotchy pregnant bartenders who make me feel sad about everything. On the bright side, your parents are cooler than anyone around – cooler, in fact, than all the hipsters spouting Foucault at your college combined.

On the whole, I recommend Living With Your Parents. Just don’t do it too long, or you’ll risk taxing the hospitality of the only people who still want to buy you Pei Wei.

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