Why Am I Not Writing?

“Because writers write, and if you’re not writing, well…”

1. I’m shopping

  • At Target. On Amazon. Online. At the Grove. For pencils, for pens, for jeans, for leotards, for organic pears, for black matte stilettos.
  • I’m buying, saving receipts, asking about return policies before I pay, paying, returning each item before I make it to my car.

2. I’m working

  • Includes commuting, emailing, texting, phone calling, receiving small paychecks and continuing to show up whenever I see my name on the calendar.
  • Calling to inquire if you’d like to carry the product.
  • Bringing you samples of the product
  • Talking to you about the product
  • Showing you the paperwork
  • Shaking your hand
  • Being enthusiastic

3. Eating.

4. Instagramming.

5. Diet trending.

6. Taking Buzzfeed Quizzes.

7. Reading my Facebook feed.

  • Coveting the success of others.
  • Enjoying photographs of baby animals
  • Seeing how much we all f*cking love science

8. Reading a book about scientology.

  • And a book by Joan Didion
  • And some critical theory
  • And the IRL newspaper, which I don’t buy but other people do, and leave on their counters, and don’t seem to mind
  • Twitter

9. Not sleeping.

  • I am worried
  • About not writing
  • About growing older
  • About the day I turn 25 and am still only adept at giving samples and telling the consumer to please have a nice day.

10. Perusing Internet job boards.

11. Eating.

12. Driving.

13. Parking.

14. Driving around looking for parking.

15. Getting lost while driving.

16. Walking and biking and driving from one place to another.

17. Figuring out which bus to ride, then riding it, from one place to another.

18. Tending to my skin.

  • Morning: 1 layer paraben-free sunscreen, 1 layer Kiehl’s moisturizer
  • Evening: Cetaphil Gentle Cleanser, Witch Hazel (x2)

19. Eating.

20. Doing the LA Times crossword puzzle.

  • NYT is for suckers

21. Spending time with my loved ones.

  • Watching TV, attending events, eating, speaking on the phone, holding their hands, shoulders, backs, temples, etc.

22. Doing chores.

  • Dishes, floors, laundry, drying, folding, stacking. Refilling the Brita.
  • Searching for products that will make the chores organic, driving to Target and holding said products in my hands, weighing options.
  • Buying Windex.

23. Eating.

24. Chatting.

  • While thinking about myself.

25. Youtube pilates videos.

26. Jogging, because everyone says it’s important.

27. Yoga.

28. Asking other people where I should be doing yoga.

29. Eating.

30. Trying to want to go to Law School instead.

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