Start-Ups to Watch in 2016

Because I work in tech/media, I started 2016 inundated with press releases from hot new companies vying for my attention. I know how overwhelming it can be to decide how to spend your money as a means to fill your inner void, so I’ve made a list of my top 8 start-ups to watch in 2016. New year, new you, new products to love. Happy 2016!

  1. Chilly Lube

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Handcrafted in Portland, OR, Chilly Lube is the first love gel to give you and your partner that cold, dry feeling on wet hot nights. Chilly Lube is water based, free-range, and tested on non-GMO bunnies.

2. RedundAPP
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This cool Phoenix-based app lists what you’ve already done today so you don’t have to do it again, or pay attention to your own existence.

3. APPle

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This fun, interactive game shows you photos of apples and Apples ™ and lets you guess which one is which! Think you can distinguish a Washington Honeycrisp from a Rose Gold iPhone 6s? An organic Fuji from an iPad mini? Bring your A-game  watch your points stack up. For players 13+.

4. Frushi!

 

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A Brooklyn-based snack startup founded by two working single moms who started making organic dried sushi leathers out of their mid-century-modern kitchens after their husbands decided to go on a Vipassana retreat in India and never came back. Pilot flavors are Kiwi California Roll-Ups, Peachy Eel Peelies, and Spicy Tuna Tummy Gummies (with Superfruit). Made with 60% real juice.

5. FarmSupport

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Are you passionate about food justice but don’t want to make any significant changes to your life? Download FarmSupport and send a farmer a sub-prime loan from your smartphone today.

6. Chili Loobe

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Located two blocks north of Chilly Lube, Chili Loobe is a silicon-based sexual lubricant processed with flakes of Cuba’s finest habanero peppers, chunks of pungent Hudson River Valley garlic, and a dash of premium apple cider Newman’s Own Vinaigrette.

7. Unoriginal Digital

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This radical new app only takes pictures of things that have been photographed over 1 billion times. Think the view from a plane window, jumping on the beach at sunset, and stars you make with your girlfriends’ hands/feet . With Unori, you’ll never miss a chance to convert real life experiences into one neat, shareable package you can enjoy forever.

8. AMOT LALOTH

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This genius weight-loss tool helps you reach your health and fitness goals by channeling your mother’s favorite folk adage, “A Moment On The Lips, A Lifetime On The Hips.” AMOT LALOTH is a chip that is embedded into your cerebral cortex. Installations can be performed at Apple Stores or any place Apple products are sold.

Some of our favorite AMOT LALOTH features are:

  • A voice engineered to sound like your ex that calls you a fat bitch anytime you park near a Yogurtland
  • Daily graphs of all the food you thought about eating today but didn’t
  • Records of atmospheric calories consumed while breathing
  • A chic Cartier-cuff-meets-Livestrong-bracelet design
  • Six month’s inner peace, or a partial refund

Let me know in the comments below which products you’re most excited about for 2016! And as always, be well and drink better.

 

****Special thanks to Alec Emmons for the above logo designs, which are a tribute to his graphic genius and his commitment to consumerism. You’re one in a billion, Al.

 

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